A Few Items of Culture and Etiquette For Dining In German Speaking Countries

(Thanks also to Jennifer Crandall from Minnetonka, MN, and to D.J. Kiernan)

Seating

• When visiting friends or if you are invited to someone's home for a meal, be sure to take a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, or a box of chocolates.  If you take flowers, remember to remove the paper wrapping around the flowers before you hand them to the hostess or host.  Sit where you are directed to sit.

• In a restaurant do not wait to be seated (unless it is obvious that an employee of the restaurant is seating the guests).  Look for an open table, or a table which may be occupied, but still has an adequate number of empty seats.

• Go to that table and ask if the seat(s) is/are free:  Ist dieser Platz noch frei/Sind diese Plätze noch frei?  (Ist hier noch frei?)

• Be seated if those sitting at the table indicate that no one is occupying the seat(s)

• It is not absolutely necessary to carry on a conversation with the people already sitting at this table.  They may be otherwise engaged in their own conversation.  However, starting a conversation may lead to a very pleasant dining experience.

Ordering

• When visiting friends (or when invited to someone's home) be sure to try everything offered to you.  You don't have to eat it all, but do try it.

• In a restaurant many people do not ask for a menu.  Menus are usually posted outside the restaurant, and many guests have already selected what they want to order before they even enter the restaurant.  Posting the menu outside also helps the consumer to know whether they can afford to eat at this restaurant in the first place.

• To get the waiter's attention say:  Herr Ober!  If it is a waitress, say:  Fräulein!  It may take you several attempts to get the attention of the wiater/waitress, but keep trying.  You might also say Wir möchten bestellen (We would like to order).

• If you want to see a menu, say Die Speisekarte, bitte!  If you know what you want to order, do so when the waiter/waitress comes.  They often like to take orders for things to drink right away.

When The Meal Is Served

• Unlike the USA, food in a restaurant is brought out when it is ready.  Things are not put on a warming tray until the entire order for the table is ready to serve.

• When the meal for another person is brought to your table, say Guten Appetit or Mahlzeit.  In doing so you are wishing them a good meal, and indicating that they should go ahead and start eating.  Do not wait for others to be served.

• Keep your hands on the table, but not your elbows.  Do not put your hands in your lap, or keep them under the table.  The idea behind this is quite possibly that someone may think you are feeding the animals.

• Eat with fork in left hand, knife in right hand. When pausing and putting utensils down, set knife and fork down on opposite sides of plate. When finished, slide fork around to rest next to knife on right side of plate.  One teacher reports this explanation for this custom:  The story I was told was that during the time the Europeans were uncivilized many a fight broke out at the dinner table (probably in bars and eating establishments and not in the homes, but one never knows). The Goths, Franks, Visagoths and other barbarians would not set their daggers down during the course of a meal and therefore always kept it in their right hand. If one has a weapon in the right hand, the left hand has to be used for holding the fork.  This tradition carried on even after the people were cultured. I guess old habits are hard to break
• If wine (or a beverage) is served, wait until everyone has their glass, then raise your glasses together and say "Prost" or "zum Wohl". Look others with whom you are toasting in the eye when you toast and are taking a sip.
• If you are staying with a family for a few days and are given a napkin in a napkin ring to use, return it neatly to its ring because you will most likely be using that napkin for your whole stay.

Leaving The Table

• In a home be sure to tell the hostess/host that you enjoyed the meal by saying Das hat geschmeckt.  At a restaurant, if the waiter/waitress asks:  "Hat's geschmeckt?", be sure to answer "Ja" or "Und wie!"

• In a restaurant you will need to get the attention of the waiter/waitress by saying Herr Ober! / Fräulein! again. 

• To indicate that you want to pay your bill say Zahlen!    

• You pay at the table (in most cases).  The waiter/waitress carries a large black wallet/purse.  Bills are stored on one side, and coins on the other side.  

• The price of the service (Bedienung) has already been included in the cost of your meal.  Do not leave a tip on the table.  If you want to give the waiter/waitress something extra (ein Trinkgeld), simply say the amount of money you want him/her to keep when you hand them they money.  For example, if your meal came to DM33,80 and you want to give the waiter/waitress an extra DM 1,20, say Fünfunddreissig.  If you hand the waiter/waitress  DM 35, he/she will give you no change.  If you hand him/her DM40, he/she will give you DM 5 in change.  Remember, you have already given the waiter/waitress at least a 15 % tip already.  You do not need to give them anything more.

From Robert Shea's Web Page

EATING and COPING AT THE DINNER TABLE

• Eat your fries with the little fork - sometimes with mayonaise instead of ketchup 
• Don't put your left hand in your lap when you eat. 
• Watch what other people do at the table before you dig in. 
• Food/drink - the coffee is super-strong and the bread can be hard (but it is supposed to be that way!) 
• Germans don't put their hand on their lap while eating. Looks like you are giving the food to the dog, I've been told. 
• Don't help yourself from the refrigerator or take a soft drink without asking 
• Do not whine about the food. Try everything. You will not starve. 
• Make sure you say "das schmeckt" - it tastes good. 
• When eating or drinking together, wait until someone says Guten Appetit or wants to "anstossen" (click glasses to say "cheers". Also look into their eyes, when doing so. These are small details, but important!
• The rules are: If you take a break from eating or if you have cleared your plate but would like to have another serving, you cross your Besteck on the plate. If you are finished, you lay your knife and fork on the plate, parallell to each other. (The precise position would be on the right side of the plate with the handles of the knife and fork extending slightly beyond the rim of the plate and the tips angled to the left.) But this latter rule is not all that important, just whether knife or fork are crossed or parallel. It's a no-no at any time during the meal to rest a knife or fork on the rim of the plate with the handle supported by the table. There is definitely no official rule for indicating that you did not like the food. That would not be very polite.  Of course, if you are not aware of German table manners and halfway through the meal take a break and lay down the Besteck parallel to each other, your host family might worry why you finished so early.

   

RESTAURANTS

• Notice on the menu if the tip is included.
• Don't expect ice cubes in cola, you need to ask for it.
• There are NO free refills on drinks.
• The basket of bread on the table costs extra
• Feel free to sit with strangers in a restaurant, once you determine ob hier noch frei ist
• You also have to order water extra (Still oder mit Kohlensaeure) and pay extra.
• And, of course, no icecubes! Crunch up a few cubes to get a horrified reaction
• If you cross your knife and fork on your plate, it means you are just pausing. If you lay your knife and fork side by side, it means you are finished, and the waiter may come and take your plate away from under your nose.
• Doggiebags are still mostly unknown but feeding your dog under the table and asking for a bowl of water is no problem in most restaurants (some now have signs with a picture of a dog and "Ich muss draussen bleiben")

About Adolph Knigge

As far as table manners are concerned, I suggest going to The Man himself: Knigge.

Adolph Freiherr von Knigge published his book "Ueber den Umgang mit Menschen" in 1788. In Germany, he is still the proverbial "Mr. Manners", the arbiter of proper behaviour. Below is the address of a website that features some of his table manners. But first, here's a joke about Knigge's flawless etiquette. One of his table rules says that you should NEVER Never eat fish with a knife. (That's why a well-equipped German household features a set of fish knives, among other things.)

In any case, this joke tells the story of how Knigge died: One day, he is out swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden, he sees a big blood-thirsty shark approaching. Knigge immediately pulls out a big knife to defend himself. The shark frowns, shakes its head in disapproval and says,"Aber Herr Knigge!!! Fisch mit Messer???" whereupon Knigge drops his knife and lets himself be eaten

Adolph Knigge Web Site:  http://www.kochatelier.de/index.html