Quotes
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a
voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
"She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of
speech."
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think
it's their fault."
"A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy
enough people to make it worth the effort."
"Those who can do, those who can't teach."
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the
experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to
do so."
"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If
they're okay, then it's you."
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff."
"In an underdeveloped country don't drink the water. In a developed country
don't breathe the air."
"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around
the sun."
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I
was talking to myself."
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and
he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Some good quote sites:
http://www.comedy-zone.net/guide/quotes.htm
http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/quotes.html
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