Henrik Nielsen: The World's Greatest Multimedia Tech Student
Henrik
Nielsen is a cruel genius. He’s the kind of man who will break a friend’s
knee if it means gleaning an insight into the tensile properties of upper calf
cartilage. Henrik Nielsen is a hateful artist. Dirt is his canvas and blood is
his medium.
Henrik
Nielsen is a connoisseur. He is a man with epicurean tastes, preferring to dine
on truffles and caviar placed on a platinum inlaid serving tray. He also enjoys
pizza. Henrik Nielsen is a philanthropist. Henrik Nielsen is the Platform Caucus
Chairman in the CHS Conventions class. Henrik Nielsen
plays indoor soccer because it’s fun, not because he’s any good at it.
Henrik Nielsen buries cowboys up to their neck in the hardpan dirt of the desert and drives off laughing. He doesn't even care enough to watch them die. Henrik Nielsen is fluent in every language known to man, but he pretends that he only speaks English, German, and Spanish. Henrik Nielsen does not consider himself a sadist.
Henrik
Nielsen is a master of deception. Henrik Nielsen likes cats better than dogs,
but he will swerve to hit either. If it suits his mysterious master plan, Henrik
Nielsen will sit motionless for days on end. Henrik Nielsen thinks Cable Modems
are a fad, and he's right.
Henrik
Nielsen is your best friend. He will not tell anyone about your fake ID, though
he stands for truth and justice. He will be there for you when times are hard.
He will take care of your family when you are gone, and take care of your pets
when you are on vacation.
Henrik
Nielsen is your worst enemy. He will gain your confidence and betray you at a
critical moment. He will tip off he police about your fake ID and your drug
habits. Henrik Nielsen will spit on your grave. He will laugh when he thinks
about how he got away with murdering you. He will sell your pets for medical
experiments while you’re on vacation.
Henrik
Nielsen has a promising career as a diplomat. When he's sleeping Henrik Nielsen
is just like the rest of us, except his dreams can kill. Henrik
Nielsen writes beautiful poetry. A single couplet of Henrik Nielsen's poetry is
better than ten thousand couplets from any other poet. Henrik
Nielsen is addicted to looking at maps of Europe, and he's not afraid to admit
it.
Henrik
Nielsen thinks politicians are rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Henrik
Nielsen sunk the Titanic, but not the way you're thinking. Henrik Nielsen's
favorite musician is Ice Cube and his favorite song is "You Can Do
It". When a tree falls in the forest Henrik Nielsen is there, no matter
what, to hear it fall. He can levitate at will but chooses to walk for the
exercise. Henrik Nielsen chose not to be President of the Robotics team out of
modesty. He did, however, accept the position of Vice President.
Henrik
Nielsen predicted Hurricane Isabel by watching the heavens. If you ask him,
Henrik Nielsen can tell you how long you have left to live, but only because he
shoots everyone who asks him with a revolver as a joke. Henrik Nielsen doesn’t
have a driver’s license, but he could probably pass the driving test if he
really wanted to.
His
favorite console is the Nintendo Gamecube, and thinks that anyone who likes PS2
better should be dragged outside and shot. Henrik Nielsen considers “Metroid
Prime” a role playing game. Henrik Nielsen has probably saved your life at
least once.
Henrik
Nielsen has opinions. Henrik Nielsen has forgotten more about professional
wrestling than you will ever know. Henrik Nielsen voted "yes" on
measure 47 because 47 is one of his favorite numbers. His vote counts for 50
mortal votes. Henrik Nielsen has journeyed to Seattle on multiple occasions. His
blood has miraculous healing qualities.
Henrik
Nielsen does not smoke but likes to be around people who do. Henrik Nielsen will
help you, even though he wants you to fail. Henrik Nielsen thanks you for your
contribution. He has lobbied long and hard to legalize stem cell research. There
are few things in this world more comforting than a hug from Henrik Nielsen and
one of them is a kiss from Henrik Nielsen.
When
there is nothing left, and all that remains is the black vacuum of space, Henrik
Nielsen will still be here.
Henrik Nielsen has a dry sense of humor. Henrik Nielsen got his inspiration for this at SomethingAwful.com, but the school filter blocks it.
Henrik Nielsen takes his role in Multimedia Tech very seriously. Here are some of his assignments: